thoughts etc.

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i dont want all my thought and feelings over my followers dashboards because it could get me in trouble, so instead i'll vent here :)

i'll probably be putting a password on it soon after i've made it look alright-ish, so yeh just ask! ;D

i fucking hate being bipolar more than anything else in the world.

I’ve got too attached and now I feel like I’m losing them. Fuck.

im in a bad mood so gonna finish my skype call, jump in the shower then grab a quick mcdonalds with nathan then spend the rest of my day drinking stupid amounts and sitting in my hot tub with nathan, olly and abi and hopefully some of the other girls :D 

havent seen some of them in ages, getting excited now :D 

fucking turned down going to africa, australia and new zealand. and with the guy ive been in love with for 3 and a bit years. 

guys can be absolute cunts, i should have just stuck with the guys i know and trust and wont hurt me. i cant fucking believe someone could actually do that

i got you so so wrong. you should go back to school and grow up a bit. 

between febuary and april i liked one of my best friends and now he likes me but i like someone else and i have to distance myself from him so i dont lead him on or anything, why is my life not easy? :| i want to just snuggle and spoon all day long, life would be perfect. 

my thoughts at the moment

ive never been so scared of losing someone. i can tell you dont like it when i say/do certain things and all you do is say your fine. i just dont want to argue or upset you when i can do something about it. i feel like i dont make you as happy as i used to, and being completely honest it feels like youve found someone else. 

that feeling when you are trying your best and nothing changes

3 options

1 - keep my baby. lose a guy i really like, but keep my baby and probably spend more time with my ex and probably fall for him again if i spent enough time with him 

2 - have an abortion. lose my baby and my ex from my life completely but still have the guy i really like in my life even though he could walk out of my life at any point

3 - adoption. i dont even know the consequences. 

im knackered, i’ve had an awful day, failed my exam and got one hour sleep last night. but knowing that i still have a chance to change things makes me so happy. ive never, ever wanted somebody as badly as i do right now, i want to call him mine, and be able to talk to him whenever or just randomly go and see him but i cant and i dont know where i stand. 

everything is different with him, hes kind of special.

i mess absolutely everything good in my life up, i piss off everyone i care about and it really gets to me. why cant i just be a normal girl?